It might not be so bad after all
04.09.10 (3:10 am) [edit]Not so long ago, I was a happy person with simple dream in life. I was not ambitious. I don't even asked for anything because everything seemed ok.
Yes, that was long ago. Everything comes so easy but things have changed when you came. Yes, you. I felt happier and I felt good about myself. I felt secured and confident that things won't go wrong because you were with me. I was totally a diffirent person when I met you and totally different person now that we have parted ways.
It is true that you can only feel how much you have loved when you are no longer with the person. I knew I have loved you but I never knew that I have loved you this much. They say that great love happens only once in a lifetime. And I guess, it already happened to me...when I met you.
It was you who taught me to be more patient and to be more positive in life. I was a very reserved person but whenever I'm with you, I feel free. You valued and accepted me with no questions and buts. As a result, I have learned to love myself too. I have learned to dream big and have gained a little confidence. No one ever made me feel that way..Just you.
I have let you go when you asked me to. I thought I can find better than you so I did not worry that much. I told you that no one will love you the way I have loved you. But now, I was wrong. No one is better than you because you are the best. Anyone can love you because you are naturally kind and sweet. Yes, I was wrong but the only right thing I can think of now..is when I have let you go. Why? Because...that made you who you are now..and IM proud of you.
There many things in life that can make you hate and love life. Yes, you can only appreciate things when you don't have it. And that's what I may be feeling right now. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder why life is unfair. I can't help but curse myself for the wrong things I have done in the past..But sometimes, I realize that things happen for a reason. As I can see it right now, my life is not so bad..there is still good in it. But I can't stop myself from wanting more. There seem to be missing always. I don't know if is it only me who is feeling this way or all of us. I cant seem to figure out. But one thing Im sure of, you are that something that keeps me wanting.
Unsent letter from your Ex..
03.05.10 (6:40 am) [edit]
This is another tiring day at school and at work so I decided to open my facebook account to entertain myself. And there, updates about you is on top of the news in my homepage. I don't know why among my friend's list, your profile came out first.. but maybe, in the back of my mind.. it happened for a purpose.
It's been a long time since I visited your page. I have not heard about you for two years now. It's strange because I used to be the first person to know updates about you before. As a matter of fact, when people can't find you, they look for me to know where you are. But now, things have changed. It seems like I don't know you anymore. Time has changed both of us. We are a perfect stranger to each other now. It is sad to know that you have moved on and I have not.
Four years ago, I am a completely different person. My knowledge about love is limited only. I believed that when you love someone, you never let them go. You fight for them. But I never realized that true love could also be measured through the willingness to let go someone you love.. when they asked you to.. even if you know that it will end your world.
I can't remember the exact words we have said to each other on that day..but it meant goodbye and parting ways. Right now, I can see that you are so happy with your newly found love. Its weird coz I know should be hurting but it gives me comfort to know that you have been loved the way I've loved you. But..i can't fool myself. I know that I could be happier at this moment if you're still with me...if we are still together.
Your smiles can still make me smile. You're still adorable as you have always been on the first day i saw you. Yes, you look the same but completely different person. Im no longer the reason why you smile and Im no longer the person you wanted to spend your life with..and up to now..the truth hurts. I can't seem to let go of you. Part of me says that you're the only one I wanted and I could never find someone as great as you...but the other part says that I have to forget you and find someone else. But whatever it is, one thing is for sure..I've missed you...and I have always loved you. I guess, this is another unsent letters from your ex.
Waiting is a Torture
06.09.09 (11:53 am) [edit]Waiting is one my mortal enemy. To spend long minutes or hours waiting for someone to come is like a torture to me. If someone doesn't want to be in trouble, he better come on time and meet me on the agreed time. Yeah, sorry to late-comers out there, but I just don't have the patience to wait. But on the contrary, life is teasing me. I am here waiting for something to come without even knowing if it will come.
Yeah, its funny how life is playing. It gives you what want when you least wanted it and vice-versa. Nothing is given to you exactly on the time you asked for it. Nothing is given to you exactly what you wanted them to be. There's always changes or modifications. And many had said that whatever is given to you is something that you desserve..It might not appear to be your ideal thing but surely it's the best for you. I don't know if I should believe on that right now. I admit that when you are down and in pain, no one can think straightly. And that's how I must be feeling right now. I don't see any good sides in everything. I can only see myself a failure..in love and in my career.
Yeah,I've been waiting for a love to come along. The kind of love that I had once found but lost it. And I think I've been waiting a little too long already. I feel hopeless. I just can't find the right person to fall in love with. I thought making the right decisions will make your life better. But I don't see it right now. Three years..is long enough. Noone came to rescue me from broken heart. Noonce came to love me the way I wanted to be loved. Is this the price of choosing the right decisions? Sadness and Pain? I'm tired. I'm tired of convincing myself that I will be okay. Why can't I be okay? I tried to live the life that people expected me to have. I lived my life with positive thoughts that after walking in the rain..I will remain strong and happy. But I can't go on anymore. I'm tired. I'm broke. This is not the life I wanted. I am waiting on two things..and I don't know if it will be given to me. This is killing me. I feel that in each day that passes by, the lesser chances that I have. Time is running and I am losing the time and my life for this. It's really hard to wait for something that you are unsure if it will come. It is really painful to know that you can't do anything but be hopeless. I feel so helpless. This is nothing but a torture.
You were made by God that way...
05.25.09 (9:34 am) [edit]As I read all my posts here..I could say that I was totally hurt last year when I decided to let go a one of a kind love. Yes, things have changed but I could not really tell if I have moved on completely. I don't know if your presence can still affect me somehow. I have not seen you for a year now and I know that you world did not stop from the moment we part ways. You have a brand new start with a new found love. I'm happy for you because I think you have finally found someone who can you give you comfort and love that you desserve.
There were many chances for me to see you but I decided not to take those chances. A part of me says that I still don't want to see you. I can't explain in words but probably..I'm afraid that you can still hurt me or I'll be reminded about the past. Other than that, I don't want to see you so happy because I'm still not happy. This is nothing but a selfish act..I know. hehe..But this is how we protect ourselves from pain, right? This is a wise act to keep myself away from any kind of hurt that caused me from you loving you.
I don't know what you do but you seem to be a nightmare that I have learned to love. You were like a drug that I can't help but be addicted. It is so amazing how I remain to be in love with you despite of the fact that it is forbidden. I don't know if this is stupidity or insanity to continuously loving you even it's not worth it anymore. YOu are a living proof made by God to remind me that not all we wanted is given to us in the time we wanted it most. You are nothing but a beautiful memory that belonged only to the past. I can't help but pity myself because there's nothing I can do to have you. I guess, you are just made that way. This is a reality that my heart can't seem to accept. You don't know what your love has done to me. I can neither say it or show it. I wished you had an idea that I existed. That I was for real and your long time dream..that someday..someone will love you more than anyone else..even after forever..has long been there beside you. Has been there all along.
Here I go again..
08.18.08 (3:04 am) [edit]Here I am again, tired and hopeless. I've been trying so hard to make myself feel ok but I cannot fool myself. People are thinking that my life is close to perfect. I have a good job, I have a great family..I have everything in life except YOU. Yes, YOU..you. I don't know but I can't seem to move on and forget about you. Yes, things are changed now. They are better changes coz I did the right thing and I dont have to lie anymore. But, everything is so wrong inside. Will i ever find peace in my heart? Will i ever find a person like you? I guess not..coz there's only one you.
Have you Ever
08.04.08 (8:45 am) [edit]Have you EVER? HAVE YOU EVER?
(Brandy)
(Chorus:) Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right?
Have you ever? Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You'd do anything To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words To get you in their heart But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?
(Repeat chorus)
Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything To look into their eyes?
Have you fin'ly found the one You've given your heart to Only to find that one Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait For that day when they will care?
(Repeat chorus)
(Bridge:)
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby? What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world 'Cause, baby, I can't sleep
(Repeat chorus twice)
Have you ever?
Just thinking..
08.04.08 (8:40 am) [edit]Everyday I wonder if the choices I made were right Reliving those times in my memories Over and over until I doubt my reasons why Nothing can stop me from going in the future Nor change the things I will do in the present None could take me back to the past I don't mind really.. Changes are always part of life But I have only one question, Why is it hard to change what I have already done?
Can't Believe It...
06.23.08 (9:55 pm) [edit]I can't believe that this day has finally come. One of the scariest day I have ever imagined in my entire life - seeing you in love again and happy with someone else. I don't know how to describe how I feel right now. I know my heart aches but somehow I manage to fake it. Nobody knows that I'm hurting. I tried to live my life happy and at peace. I admit that I've done stupid things before that led me into this misery. Yes, I have lied and pretended to be someone else I'm not. Please don't judge me. It was the only way I know to make myself happy. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I know things will never be the same now. I just can't believe that I'm still breathing after knowing that you're in love again..I just can't believe that I'm still living a life without you.
Stubborn
06.03.08 (12:48 am) [edit]I really don't know how to describe how I feel right now. The pain keeps coming back. Why do I have to feel this way? I know I should get a life now. I know what to do but my heart is too stubborn. I'm sick of this feeling. I dont understand..I want to disappear now and be gone forever..I want to forget this feeling! God, why are you making me feel this way. This is too much..I want to move on..I want to get over things..I want a new life..Please help me..I dont feel good. I feel so helpless. I feel so hurt inside. My broken heart is not mending. I thought things will get better in time..but its been awhile now..I still can't forget you! You sucks..I am failure!!!!!!!!
Tireless Heart
05.18.08 (4:37 am) [edit]I'm scared of everything. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to fight this loneliness and starting to get a life. I don't know why I can't stop myself from getting hurt whenever I remember you. You can still make me cry at night. I have let go of you but my heart refuses to let go of your memories. My heart wants to keep you inside. How can I stop myself from feeling this way? I don't want to get hurt. I hate myself. Why can't I just forget about you and move on? Why do I have to feel this over and over again? Will this ever end? Please..Stop.