Here I go again..
08.18.08 (3:04 am) [edit]Here I am again, tired and hopeless. I've been trying so hard to make myself feel ok but I cannot fool myself. People are thinking that my life is close to perfect. I have a good job, I have a great family..I have everything in life except YOU. Yes, YOU..you. I don't know but I can't seem to move on and forget about you. Yes, things are changed now. They are better changes coz I did the right thing and I dont have to lie anymore. But, everything is so wrong inside. Will i ever find peace in my heart? Will i ever find a person like you? I guess not..coz there's only one you.
Have you Ever
08.04.08 (8:45 am) [edit]Have you EVER? HAVE YOU EVER?
(Brandy)
(Chorus:) Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right?
Have you ever? Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You'd do anything To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words To get you in their heart But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?
(Repeat chorus)
Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything To look into their eyes?
Have you fin'ly found the one You've given your heart to Only to find that one Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait For that day when they will care?
(Repeat chorus)
(Bridge:)
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby? What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world 'Cause, baby, I can't sleep
(Repeat chorus twice)
Have you ever?
Just thinking..
08.04.08 (8:40 am) [edit]Everyday I wonder if the choices I made were right Reliving those times in my memories Over and over until I doubt my reasons why Nothing can stop me from going in the future Nor change the things I will do in the present None could take me back to the past I don't mind really.. Changes are always part of life But I have only one question, Why is it hard to change what I have already done?
Can't Believe It...
06.23.08 (9:55 pm) [edit]I can't believe that this day has finally come. One of the scariest day I have ever imagined in my entire life - seeing you in love again and happy with someone else. I don't know how to describe how I feel right now. I know my heart aches but somehow I manage to fake it. Nobody knows that I'm hurting. I tried to live my life happy and at peace. I admit that I've done stupid things before that led me into this misery. Yes, I have lied and pretended to be someone else I'm not. Please don't judge me. It was the only way I know to make myself happy. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I know things will never be the same now. I just can't believe that I'm still breathing after knowing that you're in love again..I just can't believe that I'm still living a life without you.
Stubborn
06.03.08 (12:48 am) [edit]I really don't know how to describe how I feel right now. The pain keeps coming back. Why do I have to feel this way? I know I should get a life now. I know what to do but my heart is too stubborn. I'm sick of this feeling. I dont understand..I want to disappear now and be gone forever..I want to forget this feeling! God, why are you making me feel this way. This is too much..I want to move on..I want to get over things..I want a new life..Please help me..I dont feel good. I feel so helpless. I feel so hurt inside. My broken heart is not mending. I thought things will get better in time..but its been awhile now..I still can't forget you! You sucks..I am failure!!!!!!!!
Tireless Heart
05.18.08 (4:37 am) [edit]I'm scared of everything. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to fight this loneliness and starting to get a life. I don't know why I can't stop myself from getting hurt whenever I remember you. You can still make me cry at night. I have let go of you but my heart refuses to let go of your memories. My heart wants to keep you inside. How can I stop myself from feeling this way? I don't want to get hurt. I hate myself. Why can't I just forget about you and move on? Why do I have to feel this over and over again? Will this ever end? Please..Stop.
Other side of Pain..
05.13.08 (3:38 am) [edit]I’m pretty sure that none of us wanted to cry. None of us wanted to experience pain and failure. It has always been our quest to seek for happiness. But sometimes, it would take many years before we could finally fulfill our desires. Remember, life gives no hints! No one could ever tell us when, where and how we could find complete satisfaction. And here’s life teasing us, we are not even sure what are the things that would make us happy. We are deceived by our wrong beliefs and youthful experiences. As a result, instead of getting closer to our goal, we go further. Our excitement, craze and passion slowly subside. Motivation will be lost together with self-esteem. We start asking ourselves for our worth and purpose. And this is terrible, isn’t it? It would take a magic spell before we could finally get back to our senses. And one of these spell is pain..pain helps us realize our mistakes. Limit our obsession and freshen our rotten disposition. It gives us a new insight and it reminds us of how well/bad we have been lately. Though pain is hard to bear, it is the most effective way of teaching us. So, tell me now..should I’ll be glad or sad when I’m in pain?
Life after school..
05.09.08 (6:12 pm) [edit]
I graduated from college last year. At first, I was so happy and so excited to start a new journey. During our last days at school, we were oriented of what to expect in a real life. The thought scared me but I never really understood everything during that time.
A week after graduation, me and my friends went for job-hunting. We attended job fairs and read some news where we could find a job. We wanted to be together that's why we submitted our resumes almost in the same companies and positions. We got interviewed in the same schedule and our first interviews were so terrifying. During those times, we always find some ways to hang out and see each other. We shared same complains and worries. The idea of not being able to find a job bothered us but because we're not alone, we laughed and made fun out of it.
Those experiences can make me smile up to now. I remember all those worried faces and funny incidents while seeking for a job. All of us are working now but in different companies. This is my second job and I am earning. I know I should be happy by now but something is missing. It seems like everyone is so busy with their own life and spending time together is so hard to do. We have different schedules and I realize that things are getting serious in life. No one will tell you what to do. If you want something to happen in your life, you have to find a way and you have to do it alone. You could no longer depend on your friends. If you want a higher compensation, do better.
Listed below are the things I've learned:
A. Getting a good life is a lifetime process. You have to make a good foundation and work hard on it.
B. You should know how to dream. Being ambitious is sometime good because it gives you motivation to rise above the rest. It will give you direction.
C. Expect that life will be more complicated as you grow old. You'll be surprised because you are starting to worry on things that you're parents used to problem before. (Paying the bill , buying your needs and etc.)
D. Unlike while at school, absences and weak performance are not welcome in "WORK". You need to do good if want to keep your job. No excuses and buts. You will struggle at first.
E. You should know how to take a risk. Living this life of uncertainties, you need to try on something to know the answers to your questions. This may sound scary but this is reality. You will learn along the process. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something and it hurts.
F. You heart will be broken. (Whatever will be the reason, I know you will experience that). Living this life could be tough. You will meet people who could change you through pain.
I know there's more to learn. I'm still young and life is way way way ahead. More experiences to come and more people to meet. Just remember that you are the captain of your ship. It's all up to you if want a better life. No one will tell you what to do, you need to figure it out yourself. In school, you know what you will do the next day because you have schedules to follow. In real life, you have no schedules and deadlines. You need to make your own. In school, you have teachers to keep on track if you're doing your assignments and will give you grades to evaluate your performance. In real life, your failures will tell you if did well. Things are really different. So, good luck to all of us!
Love is not...
05.08.08 (9:57 pm) [edit]
I'm no longer a teenager and in my age right now,l should be dating. Most of my friends have a special someone already. They seem happy and I think that's what missing in my life. A person to love.
In my experience, I don't get easily fall for someone. It takes time for me to really hooked up with a person. I don't believe in love at first sight. It's all in the mind. People always mistakenly use the word "LOVE" and associate it with a different meaning. Love is something much deeper than the word "LIKE". You can only say you have loved when you learn to sacrifice something important to you and feel okay about it. You have loved when you understand the person why he is acting weird and find it cute along the way. You have loved when you learn to bend some of your beliefs, when you become surprisingly romantic and when you feel good about yourself and the people around you. And also, you have loved when you want to alter things just to make that person happy. I don't know if you agree with me but this is how I define love for a significant other. Love is a feeling you don't feel overnight. Love is not all physical attraction. It's something that we feel when you tend to like the person more than anyone else and when it is unconditional.
People who confess their feeling to me, I'm not impressed when they say " I love you" instantly. It can even change my good impression to them. These people are confused. This is the reason why many relationships fail. Once they found out the person they are with are no longer the person they have liked at the first meeting. Arguments will start and eventually everything will end in a hurtful breakup.. What do you think? Am I making sense here?
Scratching the Scar Again...
05.08.08 (4:59 am) [edit]
& nbsp; I thought I'm already doing okay. I'm no longer crying at night, my heart is no longer aching and you're no longer the first thing I have in mind before and after I sleep. I don't know how you do it but a single memory that reminds me of you can bring back all the pain in my heart. Just yesterday, I heard that you're seeing someone and you seem happy now. It turned my whole world upside down. I feel my heart is breaking again. It is wounded and bleeding so hard. It made me wonder if I can get over you. I've been trying to live my life without you. Divert my attention, be productive and do any thing to kill the time. But at the end, it's useless. You can still hurt me. Why do I allow this thing? I really don't know. I feel so helpless. I can't escape from this misery.
& nbsp; Seeing you is like scratching the scar again. Allowing it to bleed like a fresh cut wound. No matter how I try to heal it, you can always hurt me. The wound you have caused in my heart seem not to heal with time. My heart still wants to love you despite the pain.